The Long Way Home
by mkim57
Summary: This story takes place in Season 7, following the episode 'Mixed Messages.' It will follow Harm and Mac through the events of September 11th 2001. Chapter two and complete September 6th
1. Chapter 1

The Long Way Home

Chapter 1/2

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons, living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: This takes place after the episode 'Mixed Messages' and will refer to specific events in the episode, 'Measure of Men.' The Season 5 episode 'Rogue' will also be referred to.

A/N: This story takes place in season 7, on September 11th 2001. The series never dealt with the day itself and I've wanted write about it for a long time. Jaggiegold's post last spring inspired me and here is my take on what could have happened that day.

A/N: Many thanks to Jaggiegold for her permission to base my story 'loosely' on her experience that day and to janlaw, for sharing her knowledge of the JAG corps. Last but not least, thanks to TxJAGb for his assistance and encouraging words.

**_If material on the subject of 9/11 makes you uncomfortable, you should stop reading now._**

0855

Tuesday September 11th

JAG Headquarters

Fall Church, Virginia

Harm had just driven back from the Pentagon, after attending a DOD breakfast meeting, which began bright and early at 0600. The Admiral and the SecNav were to attend closed door meetings beginning at 0900. He returned to JAG, with orders to cover JAG Ops until the Admiral returned, since he was expected to be in meetings all morning.

It had been a nice drive over; he'd driven his Corvette today, with the top down and his newly installed CD player blasting. The traffic wasn't bad, and the weather was great, in fact, it was a perfect day. Even the humidity was low, which was unusual for the DC area at this time of year. He looked up into the clear sky as he entered the building, wishing it was Saturday instead of Tuesday, so that he could get out to Blacksburg and take 'Sarah' up for awhile. Maybe he'd ask Mac this weekend and he'd finally get a chance to talk to her without interruption. There were so many things he needed to tell her, he just didn't know where to begin, not the least of which was the status of his relationship with Renee.

There had been times when he wondered if it would make a difference when he told her about Renee. He had to admit he was surprised when Renee told him she was engaged to Cyrus, but he was relieved as well. It had been over between him and Renee since long before his little swim in the Atlantic, but every time he thought to tell Mac about it, he couldn't get the words clear in his own mind. He didn't want Mac to think he wanted to be with her because Renee was no longer in his life. 'That would go over great,' he thought, he'd not only be doing his part of 'the dance' poorly, he'd be stepping all over Mac's feet.

He was happy that at least they still had their friendship, she'd promised he'd never lose her, Harm never realized how much that statement would mean to him until he was on his way back from the Guadalcanal. He'd been unable to find her before he left the ship, and he was sure he knew why. He'd blown it, he hesitated when she asked if he'd give up his girlfriend for her and he knew she'd seen it as rejection. He'd tried to talk to her, but she'd already retreated back into herself, and given what she'd just been through with Mic, he couldn't really blame her. He shook his head, wondering if they'd ever get it right.

He was just ready to get back to normal in their relationship, he would settle for that now. No Mic, and no Renee, just working together at JAG and seeing each other everyday, the way it was supposed to be. Harm figured the important things would come later, if they were meant to be together, it would work out….wouldn't it?

Harm looked at his watch, as he stepped into the elevators, thinking that Mac should be back in DC in about three hours. It had been weeks since she took leave. She'd traveled to Aceh to try and find the little girl about whom she had been so worried, upon her return to JAG. He had barely had time to talk to her when she'd come back. It seemed that every time they were about to talk about something more personal than the details of their day, they'd been interrupted.

He had been deeply involved in investigating the murder of 2 top cryptologists and the attempted murder of another. If that hadn't been complicated enough, he learned that one of the cryptanalysts killed, Commander Rick Steckler, was a friend and former shipmate. He had known his friend too well and the loss his family felt upon his death, hit too close to home. Harm felt compelled to defend him, asking the Admiral for permission to conduct an article 32 investigation and hearing. Though he'd had to wade through a lot of Company muck and mire, he succeeded in clearing his friend but had missed the fact that Mac had taken leave and returned to Indonesia to find the little girl she called Lylyanna.

He had just opened his office when he heard a collective gasp from inside the bullpen and walked out to see both the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center on fire. Everyone present in the bullpen stood looking at the monitors in stunned silence. This was no accident, of that he was certain. He read the new alert at the bottom of the screen, it read; two passenger planes had been flown into the buildings.

As Harm stood looking at the monitors in disbelief, the thought occurred to him, and it hit him like a hammer.

Mac was in the air…she was on her way home.

0920

Tuesday

September 11th

United Flight 1073

Somewhere over the Midwest.

Mac settled back into her seat, it wouldn't be long now, and she'd be back to JAG. She had been able to find Lylyanna. Captain Jurot, of the local police garrison in Aceh had assisted her. When she thanked him, he had admitted it had been as much out of curiosity as generosity. He kept asking her pointed questions about the engagement ring she'd given up, without hesitation, to bail a fellow Marine out of jail. He kept quizzing her about the man that she'd broken the engagement for. He was puzzled about why she'd come so far for someone who was nothing to her. She didn't answer every question but tried to explain to him that Lylyanna depended on her and she didn't want to fail her.

The Captain had scoffed, but Mac had remained determined. Cynical attitude aside, he had assisted Mac in helping Lylyanna and her mother find a place to live. It had taken a lot of time, but it had been worth it because, though she had been physically battered and bruised, Lylyanna's bright spirit hadn't been crushed, Mac had not abandoned her. It was worth every mile Mac had to travel to make it right for her.

Mac looked out of the window; her seat gave her great view of everything. It was a beautiful morning; in what she was sure would be a beautiful day. The sky seemed so blue and sun so bright, the patchwork landscape was showing green and gold below her. Mac felt focused this morning, focused on getting back to her life, back to what she knew was her own, her job, her apartment, even her little red Corvette had been paid off for a year. Maybe she'd take a drive this evening, if the weather were as nice in Washington as it was in the Midwest. She hated to admit it, but she had missed Harm too, and the routine of her life with him, such as it was. The little things like coffee in the break room, the scent of his aftershave when he passed her in the hallway. If truth were told, she was missing the very sight of him across the conference table.

Mac knew he hadn't understood what was going on with her, she wasn't sure she could explain it herself. That kiss on the Admirals porch still haunted her dreams and it had changed everything between them. She knew there was an 'us' when it came to her and Harm, there had been an 'us' for years, she just couldn't allow herself to admit it. The evidence of how she felt about him had been in front of her all the time, and as much as it hurt to hear, Mic had been right about Harm. He was more important to her than a friend should be; he was the first one she'd go to in a crisis and the one she wanted with her during all the changes in her life…even her marriage to Mic. That was a moot point now; there was no Mic and no marriage.

When she'd asked Harm if he would give up his girlfriend for her, she wondered what she would have said if he'd said yes. As special as she knew Harm was to her, she knew she wouldn't have been able to begin anything with him at that point. Sick of the dance or not, it seemed they both knew their part and seemed unable to step out of it. Mac looked down, studying her left hand, running her fingers the one on which she'd worn her engagement ring. She shook her head, still deep in thought _'one step forward, two steps back'._

She had called JAG at a layover in Dallas-Fort Worth, and had given Tiner her flight information. She told him she expected to be back at Headquarters by noon. Tiner told her that the Admiral and Commander Rabb were at a meeting at the Pentagon but that he would pass on the information when they returned.

0945

Tuesday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm stood transfixed beside the Admiral's desk, his arms folded in front of his chest. He listened as the news anchor described the events of the day, so far. It was clear, to everyone now that the United States was under attack.

His mind turned to a conversation he'd had less than two years before, with the former SEAL Commander Raglan. Raglan was a civilian then, working contract security exercises with the Navy and Harm had been concerned that he not be too reckless while he had Bud as a legal attaché. He tried to persuade him to tone his security exercises down. At the time, he'd been frustrated that Raglan seemed to blow him off. Now his words were ringing in his ears,_ 'Persuade Osama Bin Laden to lay off noncombatants and I will. If we get complacent…they can, and will hurt us.' _ No one believed him, he was ashamed to admit, he'd been as skeptical too. Now, as he watched the towers burning; he wondered what Admiral Kly was thinking right now.

He began to walk back and forth, as he watched the tape being played over and over. The sight of the plane, apparently flying at top speed into the side of the second tower seemed like something out of a bad disaster movie.

Tiner buzzed his office, "Lieutenant Roberts to see you, sir?"

"Send him in"

Bud walked into the office, and came to attention, after Harm told him to stand at ease; his eyes came to rest on the television screen, unable to tear his eyes away.

Harm looked at his watch, "It's the beginning of the workday, the terrorists had to know the building would be full of people, there are 10's of thousands of people there, Bud. I don't think they'll have the time they had in 93' to clear that building."

Both men stood staring at the television screen, as they watched the dazed and bloodied New Yorkers walking down city streets in utter chaos. Some people were looking up and pointing, some were crying.

Something near one of the windows of the towers caught Bud's eye, it looked like a large piece of debris but then it didn't float, the object began to pick up speed as it fell., he discerned arms and legs on the object, 'my God', Bud thought, 'someone jumped.' What a choice to have to make, to be burned alive or to be smashed on the sidewalk 60 or 70 floors below?

He walked closer to the television, still unable to believe what he was seeing. Trying to regain his professional bearing Bud asked, "Do you have any thoughts as to which group could coordinate something on this scale, sir?"

Harm shook his head, watching the same horrific sight that Bud had. "It could be one a number of groups, Hezbollah, Abu Sayef, Al Qeada, all of them with an ax to grind, and they could be funded and equipped by any number of countries. Yemen, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, for all we know, this could have come from South American terrorists. The group responsible for the bombing of the Cole last year…"

"Wasn't Abu Sayef the group that was responsible for overrunning the embassy in Aceh?"

"It is suspected, but not yet confirmed."

They were both silent for a moment.

"All domestic flights are being grounded; she'll probably have to rent a car to get back."

Harm had begun speaking at midthought, puzzling Bud until he heard Harm buzz Petty Officer Tiner's desk, "Tiner…what carrier and flight did Mac say she'd be on this afternoon?"

Tiner looked at the note he'd scribbled this morning when he spoke to Colonel Mackenzie.

"United, sir….flight 1073."

"Thank you, Tiner."

Just as Harm returned his attention to the television, a picture of what the news anchor said was the west wall of the Pentagon, took over the screen. It had been hit, he said 'apparently' by another passenger plane.

Bud stared in disbelief and spoke his thoughts aloud, "this is like watching a nightmare."

Gunny walked up to the open door of the office and knocked. "Excuse me, sir."

"I see it Gunny," Harm immediately went into mission mode. "Notify Admiral Morris and the Sergeant at Arms, we are in lockdown, as of now and until further notice"

"Yes sir." Gunny came to attention and turned on his heel and left the office.

He looked at Tiner, "Try to get Admiral Chegwidden on his cell or someone in the SecNav's office. If you can't reach them…..keep trying."

"Yes….sir."

0950

Tuesday

United flight 1073

Somewhere over the Midwest

The captain had just informed the passengers that they were making their approach to Chicago and would be landing shortly. Then he made an unusual request, he asked that all passengers leave their carry on luggage behind when they deplaned. He did not explain why but apologized for any inconvenience.

Mac looked at her watch, she hoped she wouldn't be delayed too long; she was really ready to get back to JAG. She glanced over at the woman seated next to her and smiled. The woman appeared to be in her mid 50's, dressed casually in jeans and a black loose fitting sweater.

"In a hurry?" the woman asked, looking up from a magazine she had been reading.

"I'm going home; I've been away for quite some time."

"Getting back to your family?" The woman glanced at Mac's hand, noticing after she asked that there was no wedding ring.

Mac was quiet for a moment, thinking that the only family she had was at JAG. "I've been overseas… I'm going back to my job in Washington; I'm a Marine, in the JAG corps." Mac was dressed in her civilian clothes since she was officially on leave.

"Janine Gold," she offered her hand and Mac shook it. "Sounds like an exciting job."

Mac smiled, "It has its moments, I'm Sarah Mackenzie, but my friends call me Mac."

"Well Mac, I'm going to Newark; my son needs my help this week. I'm babysitting for my grandkids while his wife is out of town; they're trying to get settled. They just moved to the area, they're living in a hotel right now."

Mac thought that if not for the slight graying at the temples of her chestnut colored hair and the glasses on her nose, she didn't look like anyone's grandmother.

"Sounds tough, especially with children, I'll bet he really appreciates having you to help him."

"I think so; of course I really love it too. I get a chance to spend time with my grandchildren one on one. Taking care of them is much more interactive than a visit. I learn their likes and dislikes...I haven't had the time I'd like with my youngest grandchild so…I really can't wait to get there. I'm going on and on aren't I?"

Mac smiled indulgently, "Not at all, ma'am. There isn't anything wrong with being a proud grandmother."

"I have to admit, I am. I think they're all perfect." Janine smiled smugly, "Just like their grandmother."

Mac laughed softly and Mrs. Janine asked, "What do you think this is all about?" She gestured toward the front of the plane.

"I have no idea ma'am."

"Maybe it's some kind of security check." Janine pondered aloud and then returned her attention to her magazine.

Within 15 minutes the plane had landed and Mac had deplaned with the other passengers. She hadn't brought anything aboard with her, besides a newspaper and a small purse, with a precious picture that Lylyanna had given her, folded neatly inside.

As they walked into the concourse and waiting area, Mac noticed that people were gathered around several television monitors near their gate.

Mac began to walk toward one of the larger monitors and as she got closer, she was stunned as she realized what she was seeing. It was the World Trade Center, and it was on fire. As she came nearer to the set and into a group of people shocked into silence, as they listened to the news anchors report….Two passenger planes had been flown into the Twin Towers.

Mac had just begun to absorb what was happening when the screen split and another image was flashed onto the television screen. The words flashed below the picture, 'Plane crashes into the Pentagon.' Mac could only see black smoke, fire and people running away from the gaping hole in one of the walls of the building. Mac immediately took out her cell phone and speed dialed Harm's cell phone. She was unable to get through, not even to his voice mail. She refused to think he was anywhere near the terror she was seeing on the television screen, maybe he'd turned off his cell for his meeting. Mac couldn't bear to think anything else.

The sense of the surreal was overwhelming. Even though she had just left Indonesia, a region filled with unrest and from some quarters, undisguised hatred for the United States, she couldn't believe that the violence would come here. This was a coordinated attack, there could be no doubt now.

The request made by the Captain before they landed, made sense to her now. She over heard someone behind her say, 'All flights are being grounded. We're on our own getting to our homes.' Mac thought it was the smartest thing to do; who knew what else would happen if they didn't ground them? A man passed her on the concourse and said to her, with a look of disbelief on his face. "The Sears Tower, they think they might try to get the Sears Tower."

As Mac began to look around the area, she noticed a strong police presence in the airport and they seemed to be trying to get people to move out of this particular area. Maybe the police did know something that they didn't, maybe there was a threat here, and maybe even aboard the plane she had just been on. To everyone's credit, there was no panic; everyone seemed to be making their way down as quickly as they could. As Mac made her way out of her particular concourse, she noticed that the police were moving people out of the other sections of the airport, as well. It was obvious to her now…. they were evacuating the airport.

As Mac moved along she heard, a number of shocked and distressed voices, "Oh no…Oh my God…" She looked up at one of the monitors in time to see one of the towers was collapsing upon itself. She stopped and stood still, the enormity of all the lives that were being lost at that moment, striking her to her heart. People on the ground were running and screaming as the huge clouds of dust and smoke billowed into the streets, engulfing people as they ran, some of them screaming from the unbelievable horror of what was happening. Then she continued to walk, though she couldn't take her eyes from the monitors; she couldn't shake the palpable feeling of thousands of souls, crying out in pain and despair, of thousands of lives snuffed out, in a matter of seconds.

When she finally tore her eyes away, she recognized the woman who had been seated next to her on the plane. "Mrs. Gold….ma'am…..are you all right?" The woman was still looking at the picture of the tower falling and it's after math, with a dazed expression on her face, she said, 'my son could be in there.' After she spoke, she began to walk in the same direction that everyone else was, though she hadn't really acknowledged Mac. She spoke to her again. "Mrs. Gold….are you okay?"

She looked at Mac then, "I'm okay…but I can't reach my son….my husband can't either." Glancing down at the cell phone in her hand, "My battery is getting low…I don't have a charger….its on the plane." She looked behind her toward the gate they had just come out of.

"I don't think we're getting back to the planes ma'am"

"Probably not." Her voice was nearly a monotone, a thousand thoughts skittering through her mind, not the least of which was…how would she get to her grandchildren?

As Mac and Janine neared the end of the breezeway, they saw seemingly interminable lines at the few pay phones that were available.

Without speaking, they walked together, toward the escalators and baggage claim, both of them realizing with the threat to the Sears Tower, that it would be a long wait. As they passed the desks for rental cars, they had trouble navigating around the long lines that had materialized in an instant.

"There is no way I'm going to be able to get a rental."

Mac agreed, "Probably not ma'am."

"Would you like to use my cell phone ma'am? Maybe your husband was able to get through to your son." Though Mac knew that if he was in the South Tower when it fell, then he was gone.

Janine thanked her and called her husband, he'd still had no luck reaching their son. Mac heard her telling her husband that she didn't think she'd be able to rent anything. She did say that she was going to get to New Jersey somehow and told her husband not to worry about her, but to keep trying to reach their son.

Mac and Janine settled in, for the long wait for their luggage, each woman deep into her own thoughts. Mac was wishing for all the world that she could see Harm…wishing that she could just hear his voice…saying anything….teasing her...arguing with her...anything. He had to be alright….her mind refused to comprehend anything else. Janine was fervently but silently praying inside her secret heart, that her son and his family were safe.

1130

Tuesday

September 11th, 2001

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm was still in the Admirals office, keeping things running smoothly while coordinating with Legal Services down stairs and Admiral Morris in judiciary services. He had also been trying without success to reach Mac on her cell phone. All planes had been grounded, though some were still not accounted for. He had just heard the flight numbers of 2 aircraft lost by American Airlines, 139 passengers, many of them children and 17 crew members perished in the process of being used to kill so many others. Some news reports had the numbers of possible dead in the tens of thousands at the World Trade Center alone.

As they had before, the terrorists seemed to use the most vulnerable weapons to kill and destroy. In that moment, it seemed to Harm that terrorists didn't want to fight as soldiers; they knew they couldn't win that way. Harm seethed as he thought, it was too honest for them, the terrorist way was to hit the softer and more vulnerable targets… civilians, just innocent people getting up, going to work, taking care of their families…the more defenseless…the better.

He thought there had to be a special place in hell for anyone who tried to justify doing this, for any cause. There was no logic and no reason to it at all.

Harm was startled from his thoughts by the sound of Tiner's voice. "Commander Rabb, sir, you might want to see this. Another plane…."

Harm turned toward the television and used the remote to turn it up.

The screen showed a huge black smoking hole in the ground, on a beautiful green hill. He pushed back the panic that threatened to rise up in him. Mac could not be on that plane…it wasn't even a plane anymore; it was as though it had disintegrated into black ash and smoke.

"Sir….I have the Admiral." Tiner's voice, once again on the intercom.

Harm snapped to and picked up the phone. "Admiral…..sir….great to hear from you. Are you….all right, sir?"

"_Yes, Commander, I'm fine…but it would be hard to describe what I've seen and heard today." Even now the Admiral smelled the burning jet fuel, and heard the cries of people trapped beneath the rubble of the building._

"I understand sir."

"_I'm going to stay…help as much as I can with search and rescue…everything okay there?"_

"Yes, sir. We're in lock down."

"_Good man, any word from Colonel Mackenzie?"_

"Not yet sir."

"_Is it true there was another plane on its way to DC?"_

"Yes sir, I…just got word. Another plane, apparently intended to crash into the Capital Building or the White House….has crashed…in Pennsylvania."

Harm glanced back at the television, a sense of foreboding building inside him, until he read the ticker at the bottom of the screen which revealed the flight number and carrier.

"The reports are saying its United…..flight 93." He told the Admiral, the sense of relief he felt made him lean back against the desk. "Mac's flight is 1073."

"_I'm sure she's fine Commander. God help the people who were on 93 and the people waiting for their return."_

"Yes, sir."

"_Has the airline accounted for all flights?"_

"No sir, not all of them."

"_Keep me posted, I'll keep my cell on, I just won't promise you'll be able to get through."_

"Yes sir, will do sir."

The Admiral ended the call and Harm tried again to reach Mac, only to get the recording 'the customer at 555 1212 is not available at this time…."

Just this morning, he had been thinking of just getting back to normal, everyday life at JAG with Mac. He had the feeling that life would never be the same again and all that he could think of was what he'd never said to her.

He loved her.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

The Long Way Home

Chapter 2/2

Disclaimers: As previously stated

Spoilers: As previously stated. The episode Season 6 episode 'Lifeline' will be referred to.

1315

Tuesday

September 11, 2001

Midway Airport

Chicago, Illinois

Baggage claim was abuzz with people trying to figure out how to get out of Chicago and to their destinations, most of them on the east coast. Word spread quickly through out the area that the bus station had nothing going east at all. After waiting for what seemed like hours for their luggage, Janine Gold made a decision and spoke it aloud. "I have to get to Newark, there is no way I can wait this out in Chicago. I'm going to try Union Station, downtown, maybe Amtrak has something going east." She looked at Mac determinedly. "Are you game?"

Mac couldn't keep from smiling at the spunk this lady was demonstrating in the face of all she was dealing with. "Yes, ma'am. It's certainly worth a try."

"Great, we can split cab fare." Without another word, Janine turned and led the way through the crowd and out the doors to the taxi stands.

_At that same moment at JAG…._

Gunnery Sergeant Galindez stepped up to Tiner's desk and asked to speak with Commander Rabb. When permission to enter was granted Gunny came to attention in front of the desk normally occupied by Admiral Chegwidden.

"At ease Gunny, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if anyone had heard from Admiral Chegwidden, sir."

"Yes, he called a little over an hour ago. He's assisting with search and rescue. He should be back in the office later this evening….he's alright Gunny."

"Good to hear, sir. Do they need any additional help with search and rescue, sir?"

"I think they have it covered for now, besides, we're in lock down and you're needed here."

"Yes, sir."

Harm knew it must be killing someone like Gunny to be here while his country was virtually under attack. He felt the same way himself. "I know it must be difficult Gunny, but things will gear up soon enough…for all of us."

"Yes, sir. There is scuttlebutt that the Washington and the Kennedy battle groups are steaming out of Norfolk, towards New York harbor."

"That is my understanding Gunny." Many of the ships in port had gotten underway as a precaution, all long both coasts.

"Yes sir."

"Anything else?" This was a bit out of character for Gunny, he was a man of few words in the presence of officers, but this was an out of the ordinary day, so he allowed Gunny some leeway.

Gunny seemed aware of the Commanders scrutiny. "No sir….thank you sir."

"Dismissed."

Gunny came to attention, "Sir,' and left the room.

Harm thought as he watched him leave that Gunny wouldn't be with them long. He was sure that to Gunny's mind, his place would be with the boots on the ground, he would be in the fight as soon as it could be arranged, where ever it was.

1430

Tuesday

Union Station

Chicago, Illinois

Mac and Janine turned away from the ticket agent's window. All lines going anywhere near the east coast had been shut down. As they walked away Janine seemed to slip deep into thought. She gave Mac a pensive look and suddenly said, "I'm buying a car."

"Ma'am?"

"I'm buying a car. There has to be a used car lot near here, I'm going to get a cab….and then I'm buying a car. Do you want to come with me?"

"I'd be happy to go with you ma'am. I have to get to the east coast too."

Janine studied her new acquaintance for a moment, "Mac…I have to get to Newark…first. I can't take you to Washington…do you understand? My son…." Her voice, but she quickly recovered, blinking and clearing her throat. "My son and my grandchildren need me. They come first."

Mac was genuinely touched by Janine Gold's dedication to her family. Her children would never know what it was to be abandoned…by anyone. "That's not a problem ma'am. If you can get me to the east coast, I can get myself to DC." Mac thought that right about now, she was so worried about Harm and everyone at JAG that she'd get back if she had to walk.

Janine had been ready to make this trip alone, but she was genuinely grateful that she would have a traveling companion. "Okay…first we get a car…then we get a battery charger so I can charge this phone." She held up the now completely dead cell phone. "And…Mac, you need to call me Janine….not ma'am…or Mrs. Gold. It makes me feel like an old lady….I'm proud to be a grandmother….but I'll never be an old lady."

"Yes...ma…" Mac chuckled and corrected herself immediately. "I will Janine."

"Good, let's get started."

In moments, Mac and Janine Gold were on their way to Steely Dan's used car lot, located a few blocks away, just across from the Inland Steel building in downtown Chicago. In the space of an hour Janine had test driven two cars and chosen one. It was a 91' Jeep Cherokee, in very good shape for being 10 years old. Mac had insisted on helping with the cost of the vehicle, but when the only credit card that would complete the transaction was Janine's, she won her argument. The salesman told them Janine's card had been the first one to go through all day.

Janine winked at Mac and said, "Divine intervention Mac, it's meant to be. Someone up there is going to get us to New Jersey so that I can take care of my grandchildren." And with that, the paperwork was finished, insurance was arranged and they left Chicago, with a quick stop at Cingular to pick up a car charger for her cell phone.

1945

Tuesday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat behind the Admirals desk, looking again at the television screen. The pictures now were more heart rending than ever. People were holding up pictures of loved ones, asking anyone who had seen them to please call, as they quickly repeated their phone numbers. 'This is my mother….this is my brother…' some didn't have pictures, they just began to describe the person they were looking for and the one they loved and as they did their voices would waver and some would begin to cry.

It was hopeless, it had already been reported that while many of the hospitals in New York and New Jersey stood ready to take in numerous casualties, they hadn't received nearly the number that they expected. It had been no where near the number of people thought to be missing. As Harm looked at the smoking wreckage of the buildings, he didn't believe there would be many more, it would be a miracle if anyone else was alive under the twisted metal and concrete, now illuminated with search lights against the night sky.

He was startled from his thoughts when he heard Gunny call from inside the bullpen, "Attention on deck!"

Harm was out of his seat immediately "As ease people" he heard the Admiral' familiar voice. He opened the office door in time for the Admiral to step into Tiners outer office. "What are these people still doing here Rabb?"

Tiner, Gunny, Bud and Harriet had stayed on after every one else was gone. "Everyone else secured at 1800, sir. They wanted to stay until you returned. In light of the events of the day, I didn't insist that they go."

The Admiral stood before them, his summer whites uniform stained with soot and a few spots of blood.

Harm noticed them immediately, "Are you hurt sir?"

"No…I'm fine, I'm..," The Admiral was at a loss for a moment, and then would only say, "I'm fine." The Admiral's expression darkened when he thought of the officers and enlisted men and women he'd seen today, who were not fine….at all.

Harm seemed to sense what the Admiral was thinking about. "Do they have a number on the casualties' sir?"

"Not yet, but it's in the hundreds...at least." He turned to walk into his office and as he did he said over his shoulder. "The Secretary of Defense says the Pentagon will be back in business tomorrow and so will we."

The rest of the staff followed him into his office

"Yes sir, Admiral Morris ordered all courts adjourned after the hit to the Pentagon today."

"Tiner, get him on the line for me will you?"

"Yes, sir…will do sir." Tiner was so glad to hear his gruff and decisive tone of voice. There were a few hours when they all thought they might never see or hear him again.

Tiner was able to reach Admiral Morris right away and he sent the call into his office but before the Admiral took the call, he told them,

"Now, I want all of you to go home and get some sleep…we're all going to wake up to a different world tomorrow." He looked at each of them directly. "Dismissed."

They all answered him, "Yes, sir." Came to attention and left JAG Ops, with the exception of Commander Rabb.

The Admiral spent the next half an hour on the phone with Admiral Morris, setting up a 0700 breakfast meeting to discuss changes in the of plan of the day and some possible protocol changes for all levels at JAG HQ.

2030

Tuesday

Hwy 80 East

Somewhere in Northern Ohio

Mac was startled by the sound of her cell phone ringing. Franticly she grabbed her purse and opened it. Before she had a chance to say hello she heard what she knew was Harm's voice, though it was breaking up. 'Ma aa ..whe…ar..you?'

"Harm? I'm on my way home…I'm okay. Where are you?" She'd been trying all afternoon to reach him with no luck

At that same moment at JAG…

Harm held the cell phone more tightly to his ear, as though it would help him understand her better. "Mac? Can you hear me?" He was relieved but frustrated as hell because he couldn't understand her. "Mac!"

He only heard, 'Har…I…way home….okay..' Then the phone went dead.

Harm was so frustrated he felt like throwing his phone out the window. "Damn it!"

"Commander Rabb?"

Harm was surprised to find Admiral Chegwidden standing in the doorway. "Sir, I'm sorry sir."

"Did I hear you talking to Mac?"

"Trying to sir…her cell phone kept cutting out. I'm sure she said she was on her way home. I don't know where she is though." Harm couldn't keep the frustrated edge out of his voice.

The Admiral frowned, "Why are you still here Commander?"

"I thought she might try to call here at HQ, I thought I might stay….sir."

"Go home Mr. Rabb, Mac is as likely to call you at home as she would be to call JAG. In fact, I think it's more likely." The Admiral gave the Commander a scrutinizing look. "Don't you?"

Admiral Chegwidden was sure that the events of this day had rattled his two senior attorneys to the core. In a crisis, they always found each other and tonight would be no different. "Go home…get some sleep, and that's an order."

The Admiral waited for a beat, then continued,

" Now that you got a call through, I'm sure you'll hear from the Colonel by morning…if not before."

Harm nodded, "Yes sir."

Within moments, both officers had closed their offices and left JAG Ops to the watch. What Harm didn't know was that the Admiral meant only to go home, shower and get a fresh uniform. He might catch a nap before his early morning meeting, but there would be no sleep for him tonight. Not until he was convinced that this attack was truly over.

2300

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Interstate 80 East

Janine Gold closed her cell phone and rested her forehead on her closed hand.

"He's alright." She closing her eyes.

"Your husband got through?" Mac glanced at her momentarily. She was taking her turn at the wheel, in a drive that would cover nearly 800 miles

"Yes." She said it quietly and still held her closed cell phone clasped in her hand. She breathed a sincere, 'thank you, Jesus' and then turned her attention back to Mac.

"Yes, he was able to get back to New Jersey on the ferry, but he's stuck there for the time being."

"Will your son's babysitter stay with your grandchildren until you get there?"

"He told my husband that a co worker went over earlier today and took them into her home."

"That's wonderful ma'am."

Janine looked up at Mac, feigning irritation at her use of 'ma'am.'

"I'm sorry Janine."

"Old habits die hard, you must have been raised right."

"Something like that." The statement couldn't have been further from the truth, but she didn't know this woman well enough to explain it to her tonight.

"You might want to try and get through to your boyfriend again, before we get into the mountains, you said his name was …Harm?"

"Harmon Rabb, he's a Commander, in the Navy but he's not my boyfriend…were just close friends"

"Oh….I just assumed….well that's what I get for assuming" Janine chuckled to herself thinking, for someone who wasn't her boyfriend, she'd certainly spent most of the day trying to get hold of him.

"That's alright, people assume that about us all the time…"

Janine nodded knowingly, thinking that maybe there was a reason people were 'assuming' that.

"I had a boyfriend, as a matter of fact, I was engaged earlier this year….but that didn't work out." It occurred to Mac at that moment…this was the first time she'd even thought of Mic since this morning. 'My God,' she thought, Mic had been right…_ 'why in a crisis am I the last one you turn to?'_

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm not….really. It was better that we found out then instead of six months into the marriage." Mac was suddenly a little disconcerted that she'd repeated what Harm had said to her when Mic left…almost word for word.

"Hey, looks like we're in luck, there is a gas station open….." Mac changed lanes and prepared to exit, hoping they could table any personal discussions for the rest of the night.

2325

Tuesday

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm had spent the last few hours trying to occupy his mind with something besides wondering where Mac was. He'd considered running when he first got home, but he was afraid he'd miss Mac's call so he decided against it. He'd cooked but hadn't been able to eat anything, so he'd showered and changed and decided to occupy himself with music. He sat holding his guitar…picking out different pieces of a tune, never quiet getting it right…getting so irritated with himself that he was nearly ready to throw it across the room.

He'd nearly dropped his guitar when he heard someone pounding loudly on his door. "Rabb!"

Harm looked through his security lens. "Webb?"

He opened his door, "What the hell are you doing here, Webb?"

"I just wanted to be sure you were here…heard that you were with the Admiral at the Pentagon."

"My part of the conference was over before the plane hit, the Admiral was in the building, but he's okay…he wasn't hurt."

He walked by Harm and as he did, he could smell the strong scent of alcohol. "You're drunk?"

"I am not drunk.." He spoke a little louder than was necessary, though his speech was not slurred.

Harm wondered how the hell he could be drinking on a night like this.

Webb turned around to look at him, knowing what his friend was thinking. "So…I had a few tonight….I'm due a few drinks" His expression turned deadly serious. "I knew this was coming Rabb…we only had bits and pieces of the intelligence, and no way to put it together….interagency cooperation….was inadequate, at best…but I knew it."

"Don't take this on…..its out of character; you're one man, not the entire Company." Harm smirked; "Damn Webb…you're not that essential to the security of the world…are you?." He was only trying to redirect Webb out of this funk he'd gotten himself into…he didn't need this tonight.

"Thanks." He gave him a sarcastic look. "Heard from Mac?" He changed the subject to another of his concerns.

"Yeah…I got one call through, but her cell kept breaking up…I haven't heard from her since. I only know she's okay and that she's on her way home."

"She landed in Chicago….this morning"

"How did you…?"

Webb gave him a wry grin, "Well…there are some tasks that I can actually complete successfully….I have my ways."

Webb started for the door again, satisfied that the closest thing he had to friends were alive and well. "See ya later Rabb."

"Wait a minute…you're not going anywhere, not until you sober up." Harm stepped forward to cut him off.

"I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home…don't be ridiculous."

As Webb passed the overstuffed chair in Harm's living room, Harm shoved him into it. Webb landed with a thud and when he started to stand up Harm raised his hand. "Don't make me put you back in that chair Webb, I've got 50 pounds on you….at least."

Webb glowered at him but said nothing.

Harm went into his kitchen to start a pot of coffee and before he'd even finished, he could hear Webb snoring. "Great, " Harm thought aloud, "not only do I have to stay here and do nothing while I wait until I hear from Mac….I get to listen to Webb snore too."

0545

Wednesday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm sat upright on his couch, resting his head back, sound asleep. He'd sat down in the living room to keep an eye on Webb, even though he was still out like a light and before Harm knew it, he was out too.

As he started to wake, he thought he heard a bell ringing in the distance…he couldn't figure out where it was coming from, then he realized it was his phone. He raised his head quickly, wincing and reaching for his neck with one hand, as he reached for the phone with his other. As he brought the phone to his ear, he heard the operator say, "Will you accept a person to person call from Sarah Mackenzie?" As soon as Harm started to speak, he lost his grip on the phone. "Yes!" he called out so that the operator could hear him over the sound of the phone hitting the floor.

He picked it up again, "Yes….Mac?"

"Harm? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine…where are you?"

"I'm at Penn Station, in New York…I'm going to take a train to Union Station, I'll be back later this morning, I should be there around1130."

"Good…that uh, great, do you need a ride home? I can pick you up."

"You don't have to...I mean, I'd like that..if the Admiral can spare you and you're sure Renee wouldn't mind" What the hell was she doing? She was baiting him, he had to know that.

"Mac, it's just me now."

"You mean you and Renee aren't…." Maybe Janine was right, maybe prayers did work.

"No were not, we broke it off about a month ago, I didn't get a chance to tell you about it before you left again for Aceh."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a problem Mac, it was an amicable split. So were both okay Mac, don't worry."

"I'm glad to hear it" Mac realized as soon as she said it how that sounded, "I mean, I'm glad you're both okay."

"I know what you meant Mac." Unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

"So, you'll let the Admiral know?"

"Of course."

"Okay….I have to go, there's someone waiting to use this phone." She hated to end the call, the sound of his voice felt like an embrace.

"Okay…, see you later."

"Bye."

Mac turned to look around the station, there were some people about, but it was eerily quiet. Janine waited just a few yards away.

"Did you get in touch with your friend?"

"Yes, he's going to meet me at Union Station in Washington."

Janine looked around them, there were ticket agents and some Amtrak employees, but there weren't a lot of people around. Penn Station seemed a ghost town, compared to the normal hustle in the train station at this hour of the morning.

"Are you sure they said you could get to Washington today? I'd be glad to have you stay with us until you can arrange transportation."

"I'll be fine Janine; they said they're going to resume service this morning, at 0800."

Janine frowned.

"That's eight o'clock."

Janine laughed, in spite of herself. "Okay…Marine. I've got to get started. My son is waiting for me, so that he can direct me to his friend's home and I can finally get my grandchildren. You can hug me now."

Mac did hug her. "Be careful Janine, it may seem quiet now…with everything that's happened, but you still need to keep your eyes open…watch your back." Mac was truly concerned about Janine being alone in this city.

Janine smiled at her indulgently. "Mac….after what I've been through to get here, they better all watch out for –me-." Then she laughed as she turned to leave, "Call me…if you need anything, my cell is fully charged." She held it up, as she walked determinedly out of the station.

Just then, Mac decided that she felt sorry for anyone who ever got between Janine Gold and her children…or grandchildren. They'd be in for a fight, of that she was certain.

At that same moment just north of Union Station….

Harm looked around his quiet apartment…his late night visitor had slipped away during the night…like the spook he was. He would never really understand Webb, Harm knew he saw both him and Mac as his friends and he knew his concern was sincere, but Harm still didn't trust him any more than he had the first day he met him.

Last night was another one of Webb's contradictory gestures that always left Harm a bit off balanced and confused as to what kind of person Webb really was. This gesture, like the others, hadn't made anything any clearer for him.

Harm refocused his thoughts…Mac was coming home. He walked into his bedroom to get ready for his day, suddenly feeling as though he'd slept a full 8 hours.

0830

Wednesday

September 12, 2001

Amtrak Train bound for Union Station

Mac sat back in her seat and closed her eyes, remembering what Harm had said in their last conversation. One thing in particular, kept running through her mind._ "Mac, it's just me now."_ A statement which only took her thoughts further back, to the night they spent talking on the Admiral's porch. _'Do you love him?'_ He had seemed so sure that she didn't love Mic that it had made her angry, so she countered_. 'Do you love Renee?' _His answer was clear and concise_, 'I'm not marrying Renee.'_ He hadn't been angry….just very sure.

She turned her face to the window determined to occupy her mind with something, anything else. It seemed the train had left the city behind rather quickly, now it ran through the backyards and open fields between towns.

Why did the colors look so sharp today? The greens were greener, the blues were bluer. She still felt so introspective, everything she saw seemed to have a beauty all its own, making it all the more precious. Why did the sight of a little American flag on a stick make tears sting at the backs of her eyes?. She believed her choice of career spoke to her patriotism, but the site of the flags…small and large from doorsteps, to car antennas to Burger King, made her feel proud in another way entirely, of the spirit of the country she called home. She'd never considered herself a flag waver, but what she might have seen as slightly corny two days ago, seemed to say so much more today. Just now, to her mind, the flags made a statement…a statement of defiance.

We had all been bruised, but we were not broken

She felt emotion welling up inside her, making it difficult to swallow. Mac was pulled from her reverie, when a woman passing her in the aisle stopped and spoke to her. "Excuse me…ma'am. Is this seat taken?"

"No, it's not"

Mac turned and saw a young woman in near her age, standing with the assistance of aluminum crutches.

"I have a seat, but it is next to the window, and I need to stretch out a bit…with these." She indicated the crutches.

"Of course."

The woman carefully eased herself into the seat, propping her crutches against the seat on the aisle. She turned to Mac and introduced herself. "I'm Kate. Kate Brown."

Mac shook her hand, "Sarah Mackenzie" She smiled, truly glad to have someone to talk to that would help pull her out of this emotional state she was thinking her way into.

"Did you have an accident?" Mac nodded toward her crutches.

"No, actually, I have to keep my body weight off of my feet. I had pathological fractures in both of them, my ankle and my foot."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, they're healing." The woman smiled, trying to put Mac at ease. "I'm on my way to see a specialist in Baltimore. How about you…where are you heading this morning?"

"I'm on my way back to DC."

The woman nodded, "Are you from there, originally?"

"No, I'm a Marine, I work there."

Kate nodded and the thought occurred to her to ask about the Pentagon, but she was afraid it would be too personal of a question, for all she knew, she might have lost someone there.

They both fell back into silence, each woman occupied with their own thoughts. Mac looked back out the window as the train whisked her closer to DC, and back to her life.

A short time later, her traveling companion began to gather her crutches and bag, the stop for Baltimore was nearing.

Mac spoke to her. "I hope everything goes well in Baltimore."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. I'm going to be fine. I have to begin radiation treatments there; I'm going to do my preliminary blood work today and get on their schedule…three times a week, beginning tomorrow."

Mac was sorry she'd asked, the radiation treatments could only mean that she was dealing with cancer.

Kate Brown put her immediately at ease when she sensed her discomfort.

"Don't worry…I was a little scared. I suppose, up until yesterday, was starting to feel sorry for myself. But today…it just came to me, I have a fighting chance to live. The people on those airliners, in the twin towers and at the Pentagon had that chance taken away, forever. It's kind of hard to feel sorry for yourself in the face of something like that."

Mac nodded. "I think I know what you mean" She knew that was why everything seemed so precious to her today. She was seeing her life through new eyes.

The woman stood as the train came to a stop, since because of her physical limitations, she would be allowed to leave the train first.

Mac caught Kate's eye as she was standing and said, "Hey…Good luck"

"Good luck to you." Before Kate Brown began to walk away she looked back at Mac and said, "give 'em hell, Marine." Then using her crutches, Kate Brown eased down the tight aisle of the passenger car of the train.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll do my best." Mac called after her.

The events of the last 24 hours left her with a strong desire to fight back….and be a part of a larger…fighting chance…as Kate Brown had said.

1139

Wednesday

September 12, 2003

Union Station

Washington DC

Harm had been able to get permission to meet Mac at the train this morning and to take her home. He walked into the station, looking immediately at the screen located at the central lobby of the station, he knew the time of arrival from New York and in seconds knew the gate from which she would be arriving.

He walked down the stairwell, leading to the trains into the sea of people arriving and boarding the trains. Harm was totally oblivious to the number of people who had turned their attention toward him. He was looking resplendent in his summer whites, his eyes scanning the crowd for a woman whose face had haunted his dreams. He was also unaware that he was being observed by that woman.

Mac stopped as she neared the staircase, loving the sight of him, smiling as she watched people turn to look at him as he passed, his commanding presence making it impossible not to. She watched as he looked for her, concern knitting his brow.

She started to call out to him, but her voice caught in her throat and she couldn't finish speaking his name. Suddenly humbled by the fact she still had him in her life, that she was alive to see him again. How was she so fortunate, when so many people had lost so much…that the one she loved most was standing just yards away from her? She cleared her throat and called his name again and at first she thought he hadn't heard her.

But then he stopped, suddenly discerning that familiar voice through all the others in the crowd. "Mac." She hadn't heard him, but saw her name on his lips and knew he'd seen her.

Their eyes met as Harm tried to cut through the crowd and because he commanded so much attention, it seemed the crowd parted for him though Mac still struggled to reach him. When they were finally face to face, they both stopped, hesitating for a split second, then their arms seemed to reach out at the same time, clasping each one to the other. Harm had lifted her feet off of the floor and had buried his face in her neck, not sure he could keep the emotion from everyone who seemed to be watching them. He tried to calm himself, but the thought that he'd almost lost her twice in the space of 3 months was just too much. He murmured her name into her hair and Mac stroked the nape of his neck.

"Harm." Her voice was soft, as she spoke; only he could hear it and the sound of it calmed him. "I thought you were still there….I thought you'd been hurt, or worse…at the Pentagon."

They finally pulled away, tears welling in both of their eyes. Mac reached up to stroke his cheek. "I'm so glad you're alright…that you're here."

Harm could only nod, he had so much to tell her…so much to explain and as he looked down at her lips, he just wanted to kiss her so badly.

"Come on buddy, kiss her." Harm turned to look at an older gentleman standing just a few feet away, who winked at him. "I sure would."

Some of the people who were hustling through the station had stopped to watch this happy scene heard him and a bit of laughter wafted through the crowd. Harm looked back at Mac and hitched an eyebrow as if to ask. 'What do you say?'

Mac gave him a wry smile. "Do you really think you have to ask?"

Harm kissed her gently at first but could not keep from covering her mouth with his, and pulling her more tightly to him. Mac responded by holding him closer still, unable to suppress the sound of pure pleasure when he nudged her lips open with his own and took the kiss deeper into her mouth. This was no stolen kiss on the Admirals porch, Mac thought, this was a declaration.

A woman in the 'audience' commented to her husband, once again, getting a laugh from the crowd that had gathered.

"See honey, I told you they still make sailors the way they used to."

When Harm and Mac broke the kiss, smiling at what the woman said, Harm asked breathlessly. "Are you ready to go home?'

Mac tucked herself into his arms and answered, looking at him directly in the eye. "Yeah…just don't take the long way."

FIN

A/N: I know some people had trouble with my writing this and I can only say I'm sorry that you feel that way. It's not something I intend to take on again soon and to be honest I didn't realize how daunting a task it would be until I started it. I had already told Jaggiegold, I was going to do this, in honor of her, as much wanting to write about our DD. She was even more generous than I portrayed her in my story and I couldn't have written it with any realism if she hadn't shared the details of her day with me.

What I wanted to do was remind people of all the heroes in our lives, people who react automatically in a crisis and take care of themselves and of as many other people as they can. I'm so proud of Jaggiegold, I'm proud of us all…while we are diverse and of many opinions, we are a good people and the tragedy of that day only amplified what I already believed.

A/N: The kiss in the train station might seem contrived to some, but I can assure you, it happened somewhere…probably in many places that day. It's happening now at hundreds of homecomings by people from all walks of life. AND I have to believe, they still make sailors like they used to.

A/N: There is no such place as Steely Dan's used car lot. I just noticed Inland Steel was near Union Station in Chicago and went with it. When my DH and I were stationed at Great Lakes, the group Steely Dan was very popular, I never hear them that I don't think of Chicago and the base north of it. _' on that train of graphite and glitter, undersea by rail…_ (grin)

Thanks for reading.


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